So I'm having a Son.

So I'm having a son!!!

Here are the top 5 things I look forward to in raising my only son.

• #5. Man nights

• #4. The day he starts using deodorant, which is probably two months after I told him that he really needed to.

• #3. Him rummaging through my "cool" clothes and trying to wear my Old Navy cargo pants or Nike air force ones from 2005.

• #2. Having him break all my pop-Warner football running back records.

• #1. Having a partner in crime and ally when dealing with the women in the house. Yeah boiiiieeee!

Don't worry the list will grow.

Breath in LIfe

I took a picture the other day in the backyard and...

• Moved my finger
• Paused to focus
• Stirred my senses
• Captured a spectacular show
• Documented a memory
  
• Realized how blessed I am
  
• Breathed in life
• & took some more
• Did you see it girls?

PS - Don't sleep on the simple things they can make a wonderful tapestry.

Mental toughness is so Illusive

You've probably heard someone say, “When the going gets tough the tough get going”. Now there even was a song about it just to ensure that this theme got stuck in your brain by Billy Ocean. However, how one defines mental toughness is really more crucial than being mentally tough. What am I getting at? Well, with a very full plate theses days with two jobs, a third baby on the way, wanting to be a agent of change in my city, and concerns about the direction of our world. Its quite easy to either want to fold completely, escape to escape-ville, or try to add another 4.2 hours onto a already crowded 24 hour a day .

I've discovered of recent that mental toughness or the ability to stay focused under looming pressure has been somewhat illusive. I don't know if it’s because the combo pack of life’s' load presses me in ways that I’ve never experienced before or simply because I’m not lifting with my legs. At any rate mental toughness has recently become a concept to tinker with and reassess personally. Here are my thoughts on mental toughness in process.

• Is it gritting and bearing under overwhelming pressure pressing to get it all done before I hit the pillow?
• Is it shutting off the sensors that warn you of pain or negative impact on relationships?
• Is it taking one thing at a time at a pace that won't accomplish a ton but just a little each day?
• Is it faking like you are all good when inside its all wrong?

Well I've come to the end of this thought with a keen awareness that I would like to be more mentally tough, duh. Also that metal toughness looks different I'm sure for all of us but I do think that there are some unhealthy models of it that we praise much more than we should. My conclusion is that mental toughness comes by way of learning to properly shoulder the load of life while maintaining a posture of joy, faith, patience, and perspective.

Any Important Press Conference

Its rather ironic that this message follow a blog about my wonderful Valentines weekend with my boo. I can assure you that what you are about to witness occurred weeks prior to that date but is still great evidence of a vibrant and amazing relationship. Enjoy and tell a friend.

Nope, Cupid can't do this.

Well ladies and gentlemen I must admit being in love is a beautiful thang. This weekend the wifey and I spent an evening away from the little ones in a plush downtown Portland hotel called The Nines. The discounted room was one of the few perks of a recession hitting the Northwest. As we left the hotel on Saturday we walked along the downtown streets to our car gazing all around the high buildings enjoying the winter sun. As we approached the public parking garage a white man in his mid 50's stopped and looked at us with a peculiar smile and said, "Happy Valentines Day". Now I was a little taken back for a host of reasons of which I will mention a few below.

• Most folks don't make eye contact with a bratha in the streets these days.
• Most folks don't initiate a conversation.
• Most folks don't go past the surface "Hi" or the smirk smile.

But this guy was different. He said, "Happy Valentines Day" and then proceeded to tell us how jealous he was of us. We laughed politely but he said again, " No I’m serious I'm wish I could have that" As we walked on I began to think how blessed I was to have my high school sweetheart, love of my life, mother of my kids, nurse of my complex and fragile soul, and best friend on my hip that day. It made me think in this world of over 6 billion people designed for relating how loneliness is an epidemic and how passionately committed relationships are a hot commodity. I was a rich man according to this guy as he saw the richness of our love towards each other without excessive public affection, cheesy red balloons, or red dyed carnations.

The take away for me without sounding preachy was to pause and kiss my squeeze (i.e. man or women) and to not take a life long companionship for granted, because it truly is a gem to be treasured and not a given to be slept on.

Green Thumb Alert

Growing a garden can be rewarding, frustrating, and soothing all at the same time. I'm excited that in just a few short months it will be time to start tilling up the soil, making some rows, and planting some seeds. Yes ladies and gentlemen I confess I have a 5th grader sized green thumb. I got the urge from my grandfather who lived in urban surroundings but had a garden that a government subsidized farmer in a rural town would be jealous of. (the pic is me in 42 years)
I remember feeling like I was walking throw a produce isle, as I would trek back and forth up the neatly plowed rows sampling the veggies. My goal within the next two years is to live off of what I can grow and pick for six months out of the year. This is a lofty goal and it doesn't help that within a ten-block radius of my house are four major grocery outlets. "What do you want to grow Tory?" Well I'm glad you asked.

Here is the start and I'm taking suggestions:

• Tomatoes
• Lettuce
• Collard Greens
• Potatoes
• Money
• Cucumbers
• Green Beans
• Flat Abs
• Various Spices
• Corn

So don't be surprised to see me canning and freezing in November what I hope will be a bountiful harvest of goodies from the garden. If you want to reserve a parcel of yard at my house let me know and we can see what we can grow together or I can email you photo samples of the produce and you can imagine what they taste like. ( maybe not)

No Longer Looking for a Utopia

I quit. That's what I think as I've become weary of looking for that which doesn't exist, takes me away from what is real, and spins me out with its siren calls and seductive queues. Some would read this and say "no-da" but when you've been betrayed, fell on hard times, suffered loss, been overrun with inconvenient circumstance, or been relationally stung you would understand why one would long for such a place. Now I wouldn't say that I've experienced all those things mentioned above but I can say that I have felt the normative sting of trusted broken people being well, themselves. I too have the capacity to hurt, manipulate, disparage, and disappoint too so this is not about blaming but more of an update on my journey of embracing even the mildest forms of suffering.

I've realized that looking for a utopia has meant being more guarded, less trusting, more fearful, and surprisingly less opportunistic. All I want to do is make the right decisions that steer me away from the most pain. I remember when I was a kid how my parents divorce when I was two hit me when I was 11. I remember how I turned inward, wonder why, tiptoed in and out of meaningful relationships. I now find myself fighting to break such a luring and old pattern.

Now you would think with such a somber blog I must be depressed, in need of meds, and some counseling. However, I couldn't be more blessed and hopeful about many things. I actually write this from a place of peace and security in God who encourages me to be honest knowing that I'm loved by him as is; no performing necessary. This place comes with a price, which is to constantly resist the urge to run away, redeem my propensity towards fantasy, and accept that understanding everything isn't everything.

So, if you are trying to exit the real world please consider this note. Time spent looking for a utopia is time wasted not making the most of cards dealt and learning the necessary skills of forgiveness, faith, and patients.