Back in the Lab again.

Should it really take this long?

2009-07-28T23:27:00.000-07:00

It always seems to take longer to get somewhere you've never been before. Today I was going to an appointment for work and was using map quest to get me there. Now for some of you you'll probably say using map quest is where I went wrong but back to the point. The directions said that the street to turn left on would be coming up in three miles. What happen next was a curious sequence of emotions and reactions. When I saw three miles on the paper I began gauging mentally how long it would take in a car going 45 mph to go three miles.

As I counted the blocks that whisked by a sudden rush of both panic and frustration hit me. I panic because I couldn’t afford to be late to this meeting and became frustrated because I thought the current directions were off. In my mind three miles was up a mile and half ago. So I called ahead to let them know that I would probably be late and to get the right directions. As I made the call and talked with the receptionists telling her where I was she said, "O, you have just a few blocks to go and then you can make the left and we are there". Wow what a relief. I guess my mental gauging of how long three miles should take became clouded by panic, frustration, and the fact that I'd never been here before.

Well the take away was for me and what I will share with you if you care to know is. To often when going somewhere new in life (ex. reconciliation of a close relationship, career change, personal transformation, etc.) we often miss gauge how long it should take to get to the next thing or place. We begin to panic, scream fraud, want to turn back, or call ahead to say we may be late. What is remarkable is for all the times you go through this cycle do you ever consider that you may just be a few blocks away from your destination? Again, it always seems to take longer to get somewhere you’ve never been before - you could be coming up on it.

So I'm having a Son.

2009-06-17T21:32:00.000-07:00

So I'm having a son!!!

Here are the top 5 things I look forward to in raising my only son.

#5. Man nights

#4. The day he starts using deodorant, which is probably two months after I told him that he really needed to.

#3. Him rummaging through my "cool" clothes and trying to wear my Old Navy cargo pants or Nike air force ones from 2005.

#2. Having him break all my pop-Warner football running back records.

#1. Having a partner in crime and ally when dealing with the women in the house. Yeah boiiiieeee!

Don't worry the list will grow.

Breath in LIfe

2009-04-30T21:48:00.000-07:00

I took a picture the other day in the backyard and...

Moved my finger
Paused to focus
Stirred my senses
Captured a spectacular show
Documented a memory
Realized how blessed I am
Breathed in life
& took some more
Did you see it girls?

PS - Don't sleep on the simple things they can make a wonderful tapestry.

Mental toughness is so Illusive

2009-03-13T07:19:00.000-07:00

You've probably heard someone say, “When the going gets tough the tough get going”. Now there even was a song about it just to ensure that this theme got stuck in your brain by Billy Ocean. However, how one defines mental toughness is really more crucial than being mentally tough. What am I getting at? Well, with a very full plate theses days with two jobs, a third baby on the way, wanting to be a agent of change in my city, and concerns about the direction of our world. Its quite easy to either want to fold completely, escape to escape-ville, or try to add another 4.2 hours onto a already crowded 24 hour a day .

I've discovered of recent that mental toughness or the ability to stay focused under looming pressure has been somewhat illusive. I don't know if it’s because the combo pack of life’s' load presses me in ways that I’ve never experienced before or simply because I’m not lifting with my legs. At any rate mental toughness has recently become a concept to tinker with and reassess personally. Here are my thoughts on mental toughness in process.

Is it gritting and bearing under overwhelming pressure pressing to get it all done before I hit the pillow?
Is it shutting off the sensors that warn you of pain or negative impact on relationships?
Is it taking one thing at a time at a pace that won't accomplish a ton but just a little each day?
Is it faking like you are all good when inside its all wrong?

Well I've come to the end of this thought with a keen awareness that I would like to be more mentally tough, duh. Also that metal toughness looks different I'm sure for all of us but I do think that there are some unhealthy models of it that we praise much more than we should. My conclusion is that mental toughness comes by way of learning to properly shoulder the load of life while maintaining a posture of joy, faith, patience, and perspective.

Any Important Press Conference

2009-03-07T16:00:00.000-08:00

Its rather ironic that this message follow a blog about my wonderful Valentines weekend with my boo. I can assure you that what you are about to witness occurred weeks prior to that date but is still great evidence of a vibrant and amazing relationship. Enjoy and tell a friend.

Nope, Cupid can't do this.

2009-02-14T19:05:00.001-08:00

Well ladies and gentlemen I must admit being in love is a beautiful thang. This weekend the wifey and I spent an evening away from the little ones in a plush downtown Portland hotel called The Nines. The discounted room was one of the few perks of a recession hitting the Northwest. As we left the hotel on Saturday we walked along the downtown streets to our car gazing all around the high buildings enjoying the winter sun. As we approached the public parking garage a white man in his mid 50's stopped and looked at us with a peculiar smile and said, "Happy Valentines Day". Now I was a little taken back for a host of reasons of which I will mention a few below.

Most folks don't make eye contact with a bratha in the streets these days.
Most folks don't initiate a conversation.
Most folks don't go past the surface "Hi" or the smirk smile.

But this guy was different. He said, "Happy Valentines Day" and then proceeded to tell us how jealous he was of us. We laughed politely but he said again, " No I’m serious I'm wish I could have that" As we walked on I began to think how blessed I was to have my high school sweetheart, love of my life, mother of my kids, nurse of my complex and fragile soul, and best friend on my hip that day. It made me think in this world of over 6 billion people designed for relating how loneliness is an epidemic and how passionately committed relationships are a hot commodity. I was a rich man according to this guy as he saw the richness of our love towards each other without excessive public affection, cheesy red balloons, or red dyed carnations.

The take away for me without sounding preachy was to pause and kiss my squeeze (i.e. man or women) and to not take a life long companionship for granted, because it truly is a gem to be treasured and not a given to be slept on.

Green Thumb Alert

2009-01-31T10:07:00.000-08:00

Growing a garden can be rewarding, frustrating, and soothing all at the same time. I'm excited that in just a few short months it will be time to start tilling up the soil, making some rows, and planting some seeds. Yes ladies and gentlemen I confess I have a 5th grader sized green thumb. I got the urge from my grandfather who lived in urban surroundings but had a garden that a government subsidized farmer in a rural town would be jealous of. (the pic is me in 42 years)
I remember feeling like I was walking throw a produce isle, as I would trek back and forth up the neatly plowed rows sampling the veggies. My goal within the next two years is to live off of what I can grow and pick for six months out of the year. This is a lofty goal and it doesn't help that within a ten-block radius of my house are four major grocery outlets. "What do you want to grow Tory?" Well I'm glad you asked.

Here is the start and I'm taking suggestions:

Tomatoes
Lettuce
Collard Greens
Potatoes
Money
Cucumbers
Green Beans
Flat Abs
Various Spices
Corn

So don't be surprised to see me canning and freezing in November what I hope will be a bountiful harvest of goodies from the garden. If you want to reserve a parcel of yard at my house let me know and we can see what we can grow together or I can email you photo samples of the produce and you can imagine what they taste like. ( maybe not)

No Longer Looking for a Utopia

2009-01-14T22:17:00.000-08:00

I quit. That's what I think as I've become weary of looking for that which doesn't exist, takes me away from what is real, and spins me out with its siren calls and seductive queues. Some would read this and say "no-da" but when you've been betrayed, fell on hard times, suffered loss, been overrun with inconvenient circumstance, or been relationally stung you would understand why one would long for such a place. Now I wouldn't say that I've experienced all those things mentioned above but I can say that I have felt the normative sting of trusted broken people being well, themselves. I too have the capacity to hurt, manipulate, disparage, and disappoint too so this is not about blaming but more of an update on my journey of embracing even the mildest forms of suffering.

I've realized that looking for a utopia has meant being more guarded, less trusting, more fearful, and surprisingly less opportunistic. All I want to do is make the right decisions that steer me away from the most pain. I remember when I was a kid how my parents divorce when I was two hit me when I was 11. I remember how I turned inward, wonder why, tiptoed in and out of meaningful relationships. I now find myself fighting to break such a luring and old pattern.

Now you would think with such a somber blog I must be depressed, in need of meds, and some counseling. However, I couldn't be more blessed and hopeful about many things. I actually write this from a place of peace and security in God who encourages me to be honest knowing that I'm loved by him as is; no performing necessary. This place comes with a price, which is to constantly resist the urge to run away, redeem my propensity towards fantasy, and accept that understanding everything isn't everything.

So, if you are trying to exit the real world please consider this note. Time spent looking for a utopia is time wasted not making the most of cards dealt and learning the necessary skills of forgiveness, faith, and patients.

Muchos Gracias Jientes!

2008-12-31T07:56:00.000-08:00

On the eve of a new year I've awaken from my blogging slumber to say thank you.

Thank you to...

Jesus Christ for his proactive love and sacrifice
My wife for her tireless love and care for me and the girls
Family for reminding me of the lineage I've been birth from and why being grounded is bliss
Friends that balance me, laugh at me, and encourage me to not give up
The pain of life this last year which has been a great tutor, maturing me
My employer for steady pay checks
My home for being homie and a great place to change the world by raising a family there
Chuck Taylor Allstars shoes for hanging in there even though they are on their stylish last leg cuz I wore them out
VW Bug for chugging her way into her 41st year of service
The moments of joy that fill a day when I pause and think about how good I have it
MESO for helping me get my photography business off the ground this year.
To see the first US President who aside from being qualified to lead happens to be Black (fancy that)
and last but not least my pillow for the slobber you've collected and comfort you've provided as I re-charge each night to live out my destiny another day.

I know my list is a little scattered but I'm thankful none the less for those things mentioned and those I failed to mention.

Black Adventures in White Snow

2008-12-22T09:34:00.000-08:00

Well we are trying to get to Cali for Christmas but can't currently due to some crazy weather in Portland. Here are three videos that highlight our most recent adventure out of the house to the airport to see if we could reschedule our flight. It took place this morning at 8am and sadly ended after a great and expensive effort at 9:21am.

Snotty-Nosed Kids

2008-11-11T20:10:00.000-08:00

I was wondering after the tenth time today why kids cry when you wipe their snotty noses. I can't figure it out. In my mind I'm helping them with a slightly nasty, slimy, oozing, discomforting problem. But they just assume fight me to the end jerking from side to side like a wild bull smearing it all over their face, then let me neatly and quickly wipe it away. I wonder what I'm fighting that God too wants to neatly and quickly wipe away like some bad habit oozing out, poor perspective on life crusting up, or some grotesque booger of a idea that I refuse to pick off and trash. Anyways they say you can learn a lot from your kids, well I guess I am. In life we encounter many sick things and must fight through them to remain healthy but need to not cry when we are getting wiped. Haaaa Choo! Snnnifff Snniff!

Let's get to work!

2008-11-04T23:09:00.001-08:00

Well tonight marks an historic moment in our nations history but I will leave the pomp and speculation to others. All I would like to say is that what many have witnessed above and beyond the heated debates, polarizing issues, and tiresome campaigns culminating tonight in the election of our 44th President is an opportunity for many Americans to reengage as active citizens in our political process. Our vote is but one act of citizenry and should for many mark the beginning of holding our representatives accountable, being a part of viable solutions, and playing a necessary role in helping to shape our nation and perfect our union.

Some worry or fear that an iconic label being placed on a fallible person will lead us down an unwelcome path as a nation. However, I propose another possible happening for many Americans with his election, which is a renewed passion for civic involvement, a psychological threshold being crossed for attainable opportunities for many more Americans, and a transfer of civic leadership to a new generation. So don't disengage but allow that which has fueled us to pay more attention now than ever before to stir us to run and get our shovels because it time to go to work in your community, county, state, nation, and world. Politics nor is the president the end all be all but they can play an integral part towards the end we believe is our destiny. On your mark get set go!

The Dance Off!

2008-10-14T18:46:00.001-07:00

These are professionals please don't try this at home or anywhere where people are present.

Confidence

2008-10-07T21:32:00.000-07:00

Are you hanging on to something that you hope is worth a ton more in the future? Well I was thinking about the many things we are encouraged to hang on to because of the ensuing payoff. When I was a teenager I used to collect pro sports cards and to this day still have my collection of Donruss, Upper Deck, and Topps cards stashed away waiting the for the "payoff". It got me thinking that there seems to be few things that maybe worth holding onto. What is more interesting is the question of what makes them worth holding onto. Here are my thoughts in process...

You give them value and meaning. (Ex. Super Sentimental)
Someone else that you admire or respect tells that they are valuable. (Ex. Grandparents - "Boy you needs to hold on to this here!")
History and trends speaks of the value of what you posses. (Ex. Gentrification & Home Ownership)
Faith in the fulfillment of a promise causes you to hold on. (Ex. Jesus Christ- “I'll be right back.”)

Well, we've come to the conclusion of my thought and I am reminded as I look at the reasons above why I hold onto to stuff, things, ideas, cultural norms, and divine promises. What I do hope, know, and believe is they will pay off even though at times I’m tempted to throw them away. It’s amazing how an empty lot, held onto for decades, comes in contact with a developer and a friendly economic upturn can create a useful structure, wealth, and validate years of seemingly foolish care of a deed. That is the miracle and fulfillment I wait for.

Trust - A Precious Commodity

2008-09-20T08:28:00.000-07:00

When was the last time you thought about who trusted you? With the elections looming, the stock market on an unwelcome rollercoaster ride, and communities becoming more fractured - Who we trust is a hot topic. I've for whatever reason was thinking recently about how amazing, necessary, and humbling it is to have the trust of people in my life. Now this is not a subtle confession of doing something to break it but more of a "wow" moment. We often think about whom we don't trust and why rehearsing those reasons over and over again until they’ve become an ingrained tag line in our minds. However, when have you taken time to think about who trusts you, why they do, and how that is to be treasured?

Over the years in part by virtue of the line work I've done I know people have listened to my ideas, weighed my opinions, and trusted my words. I was just thinking how trust is hard to come by these days but is still a very necessary component for healthy relationships. I'm very grateful that my family and friends place their trust in me but I'm also humbled and sober minded that they do. Humbled because I'm not perfect and sober minded knowing that it doesn't take much to see it dissipate. So in so many words I encourage you to think about those who trust you while keeping in mind that their trust is a precious commodity to have.

Cheer I've Got Sore Ankles

2008-09-03T21:29:00.000-07:00

Have you ever accomplished something that you never thought you would but paid a heavy price for it? Well, the other night I did such a thing. You see I’m in a flag football league and we had a scrimmage against some other teams last night before the season starts next week.
A little back story first, my football career was cut short in high school after I retired and followed my faith and political aspirations by leading a motley crew in a weekly bible study and becoming (i believe) the first black student body president at my high school. Now I was something of a football player tons of talent, spunk, strength, and courage. All of my 15 plays over the span of 3 years of high school would tell you that. So to now live the dream of breaking tackles, spinning into the open field, and striking down the sideline leaving a trial of dust and turf particles is what awaited me last night.

Here is how the play went ...

I caught the ball on a slant route.
Turned, juke out the defender, and headed to the sidelines to make some space as I began my lift off down field.
As I looked up I told myself "Man you still got it, you still got it." and proceeded to run like a hippo on a soggy riverbank.
Now as I headed down the field a defender from across the field was angle towards me so and at that moment I thought, "What would Reggie Bush do in this moment?” and one of his classic juke moves popped into my head.
Let's just say I performed it effortlessly and made my way down the field to score.

Now what was funny at the end was three things occurred:

I was so tired I couldn’t fathom celebrating. Breathing deeply was by far the better reward.
There was no one in the stands to cheer.
My ankles now hurt really badly as I write this blog tonight.

So the take away from this is even though my body is rejecting what my mind thought I could do and I have sore ankles because of the aggressive juking. Know that it’s never to late to make good on a dream and score a touchdown.

My Baby Turns 1

2008-08-19T21:15:00.000-07:00

The first anything is something to remember. Your first kiss, the day deodorant was mandatory, paycheck , bike, jerry curl, etc. Well my baby is turning one and she won't remember any of it. Now that is funny. We are excited for her birthday no doubt, but she will probably be excited for three rounds of El Salvadorian breast milk, diaper changes, Cheerios, and scurrying along the floors eating God knows what. But it doesn't matter cuz we will take pictures, tell her stories about it, celebrate with family & friends, and remain thankful that she has lived on this planet for 365 days and some change. Sweetness!

The Randomness of Certainty

2008-08-02T08:58:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt like the one thing you were certain of was that you didn't know what was next? We creatures of modern conveniences, schedules, ardent faith, and GPS navigational systems know how to map out a plan. Well what happens when it gets wrecked and you can't put the pieces back together. If you are real with yourself this is the moment when the real you meets the other side of certainty, vagueness. I lived a out a plan that seemingly had a 14 year life span and has now been wrecked. Now I will say that I'm a better man for it because it has revealed a number of things to me.

Pain can soften the soul and reconnect you to the human experience
Confusion can lead to raw and amazing discoveries
Idle time can be a blessing in disguise
Hope can be refined
Although life moves very fast we are still bound to a pace that's much slower which leads to genuine change
I'm still blessed

Now I speak in very general terms, which may make you wonder, "What the heck or hell (your preference) did you just go through". That is not so important as of now but what is important is to hopefully take courage knowing that although we experience uncertainty on a daily basis and loath the path of the wanderer. Be sure to cling to truth, life giving relationships, and the hope that what we've gone through was a part of the overarching plan for our lives.

We finally got a piece of the pie!

2008-07-20T14:39:00.000-07:00

Well to say that I'm excited is a understatement. To say that I knew it was going to be this good would be a stretch. To say that I'm am thankful for God's faithfulness is spot on the truth. We are moved in, setting up shop, and eager to throw a few parties. The video has some famous actors doing a prequel reenactment/dramatization of what is was like for us in our move and yes I can grow a "fro" like that.

On the Verge!

2008-06-14T11:39:00.001-07:00

Being on the verge of anything is a most eventful place to be. There are the nerves, well laid strategies, momentary panic attacks, amazing peace that faith taps into, and the hope for a good ending all mixed into a nice bundle. Yeah, you've been there and know the all too telling signs of something life changing about to go down. Well this week I'm on the verge of staking my claim in P-town with the purchase of a home. Now this is not the first time doing this, which I almost can't believe I can say. Yet, it still has all the makings of testing my soul, pocketbook, and trust in God. All I can say as of now is I'm on the brink and enjoying the rush that comes with being presented with a chance to settle the family in, buy some chickens, make a man room out of the garage, and getting an officially new honey to do list. Sweet!! I'll report back with the end results.

I made it to third base!

2008-05-10T19:31:00.000-07:00

When was the last time you overdid it? Well for me it was last week at my first softball league game. You see I consider myself a athlete with potential I could potentially fool myself or potentially enjoy the downside of no longer being 16 & agile. This night I choose the fool myself mindset. It went something like this ...

* I swung the aluminum bat at a fat juicy pitch and "crack" the ball when sailing into the air like a shooting star across the midnight sky.
* I took off to first seeing that I would have at least a base hit.
* When I hit first base I saw what appeared to be vicious dog chasing me (well maybe not but that can be a motivator to run fast). Okay when I hit first I did think, "I've still got it, Go Campbell Go!"
* As I made the turn around second I knew third was no problem, as the outfielder appeared to be having trouble getting the ball in. Now the "doin' to much thought" that jumped into my mind was that an in-the-park homerun was so doable so run, run, run fool. And I did.
* I ran and ran as fast as my 25% body fat legs could carry me right into third base when I then realized that I wasn't going to make it home and proceed to stop by tripping over third base, sprang my ankle, and falling on my body. I can't say I fell face first or on my butt because I kinda fell all over.

So what is the moral of the story? Be happy with a base hit cuz you will get another chance to run the bases.

Oohh Papa Sea lion!

2008-04-16T21:41:00.000-07:00

When was the last time you experienced what you knew? I often wonder what are the drawbacks of having access to the World Wide Web an information highway of epic proportions or satellite TV a thumb surfer’s delight. They provide access to amazing amounts of information, data, and factoids. At times you must ask yourself, "So what if I know more stuff and can spew out more tidbits about everything like a limit edition backpack super soaker and drown the competition. I mean really, "How much of it have I interacted with and had a meaningful engagement or experience with?"
Now I'll be the first to admit that I am a closet collector of ideas, data, and cool nifty thing-a- ma-bobbers too. But the acquisition of info for the sole purpose of stock piling it can be a deceptive habit. Deceptive in terms of assuming I'm always really living and getting the most out the first encounter with something new. My daughter reminded me of the difference this past weekend at the zoo. She saw for the first time so many animals that we viewed on TV or in books. What was different and rather moving and refreshing for me, a proud and observant Papa, was the moment she actually experienced and interacted face to face with what she knew. “Oohh papa sea lion!”

87 and wondering why ...

2008-03-24T19:41:00.000-07:00

I guess this is the bookend to a youthful 31 year old, that of being 87 and feeling the perky kiss of death. I had the most amazing, sobering, and simple conversation with my grandfather the other day. He along with my family from California came to visit us "just because". One evening he called me into the living room to have a conversation about why he has to suffer so much now. You see my grandpa is an upright, self reliant, giving, and a holiness preacher for 50 plus years. However, in this season of life as an 87 year old retired preacher and great grandpa he has been more of a fragile, sick, discouraged and frustrated senior saint in the twilight of his days here. In talking with him I learned a few things about looking at life from his side of the pond.

To see and hear fear and weakness in his voice over the most rudimentary things, such as walking from the car into the house messes with my mind and sends shooting pains of sorrow to my heart. To see his body breaking down and not staying in pace with his strong mind has been uncomfortable to watch. It reminds me how I want my heroes to stay frozen in the rescuers pose and not show me that they too are human, are on borrowed time, and are in need of mercy.

When talking with him I am confronted with the realities of death as he has accepted and at times wished to hasten it. Talking with someone so comfortable with the topic was well, strange because all I do is spend my time thinking about future plans, 401k, my daughter’s high school prom, and how I can change the world in my 40's. But rarely do I think about death.

As I think about the fact he will die sooner rather than later I ponder how we can see each other again and this thought fosters more reason to continue to enjoy God's grace on my life and trust the work of his son Jesus.

So what is to be made of this? If you have a senior saint that you haven't talked to in a few take time to do so or visit you local assisted living center. In doing so you’ll learn that you too are human, are on borrowed time, and are in need of mercy.

31 & Lovin' that ...

2008-03-10T20:44:00.000-07:00

Well I have official turn the ripe young age of thirty-one. And with that I have come to love a few things in this third decade of my life I call my thirties.

I love that the decade of music that I grew up with is now on a oldies hour on the local pop radio station.
I love that I now walk a lot slower down the medicine aisle at the grocery store as my body has now become eligible for a few new products.
I love that the scale experience is no longer, "Man I need to lose some weight", its now "Man I didn't gain that much, wow that's great".
I love that what I am most proud of is a good credit score as opposed to straight teeth and a white Colgate smile.
I love that my kids have taught me a new language that slips out into conversations at work, church, and among strangers at the park.
I love that I'm thirty which means that I have lived well past the average life span of black men from East Oakland usually complete with jail time, being a corner pharmacist, and having extra baby's mamas.
I love that I have reached "grown man status" which has often been an allusive feeling and concept.
I love that I now can use such lines, "As a tax payer in this city ..." and half way know what I'm talking about.
I love that I'm seasoned not aged.
I love that no matter what the future holds I have few regrets thus far with the first 30.

So with all that being said if you are wondering, "man what's to love about being thirty"? Hopefully these thoughts will provide some worthwhile evidence of the goodness that awaits you.

On the 6 - a must read

2008-02-22T19:29:00.000-08:00

You can meet some interesting characters while riding the public transit system.

Like today I was sitting in the back of the bus (by choice) and a man gets on the bus singing a song perhaps because it was Friday or because he had a song in his heart, I don’t know. But I should have know this was going to be something to blog about when his song was a soft and gentle request of the need for a girlfriend. Now some important and relevant facts to give context. He was a middle aged black man and so out of respect, awe, and glee I acknowledge him. It went something like, "Waz up folks?" He said "Waz up patna." Hang shake, head nod, gold teeth sparklin’ smile, you know the works. I loved it.

However, what I thought was going to be a friendly meet and greet turned into something altogether different and more amusing. The bratha who I thought was just trying to get home had a different game plan that he began to unleash on the ladies in the back of the bus. It went something like this. (loudly) "Hey ladies how yall doin'? Look at all the pretty laaaadddiiiiessss, got yo head buried in the book, uh? O, you can't talk to nobody uh? How you doin' love you got a man? You need some sunshine in your life? All the ladies love me if you know what I mean.

So there I was witnessing a bumbling old school playa spittin" his tired game on an unassuming and confused bunch of ladies (white ladies mind you) who wished their stop was the stop before he got on. So what was I to do?

Ignore it, bury my head, and fake like I was sleeping.
Distract the man looking for a lady friend for the night with some random small talk questions
Let the bus driver kick him off and keep us all held up for hour or so sorting it all out.

Well I chose number two and boy did I learn a lot in a matter of minutes.

What did I learn? Well I'm glad you asked.

He just got off work or as he put it, "Lil work thang"
He is from San Antonio
He just hooked up his 69 El Camino with rims, beat (a stereo system), and 420 horse power engine or giddy up!
He just got out of prison after serving a 10-year sentence
He was looking to get busy tonight if you know what I mean.
O, did I mention he just got out of prison after serving 10 years?

Anyways as the conversation was just gettin' going and the ladies were finally settling down feeling a little relieved that I showed some chivalry or took one for the bus ridin’ team. Just as quick as he graced us with his presence so he exited and got off. And that ended another fun and most exhilarating moment On the 6.

Learning something new is still akward

2008-02-17T20:45:00.000-08:00

Well, we have all been there and done that. You know, learning something new and feeling super awkward with it. You think as you get older that being educated out of your ignorance wouldn't get the best of you when its exposed and laid bear before the masses, but you can't always escape the weirdness, embarrassment, frustration, and down right pain that comes with learning something new.

Though I've been around the block in my young years and consider myself a old soul it is still apparent that I have much to learn and it will be awkward. I have realized that I like to be the expert more and not the student and that I rarely sit my rump in the discomforting seat of a learner. This is not always a conscious act but more of a junior high dance slow song aversion to being put on the spot. So if you are feeling awkward as you are confronted with your own ignorance don't fight it just know that you are learning something new.

I use to love but now I love.

2008-02-02T22:47:00.000-08:00

Well with my first entry into the blog world I wrestle with where to start. Should I attempt to be witty or preachy? I don't really know to be honest so where I'll start is by revealing a piece of my most recent past that represents a tremendous shift in my soul like that of the tectonic plates. For some it means little to nothing to others perhaps a bold step in a different direction or a departure from a well worn road but to me it has been another "restore unto me the joy of my salvation" moment.

Time Con Dios Journal Entry - 3.27.07 -

I use to love but now I love
I use to love ministry now I love you.
I use to love to work for you now I love to talk to you.
I use to love to represent you now I love being represented by you.
I use to love to find you now I love how you find me.
I use to love you watch me do stuff now I love watching you do stuff.
I use to love to fix me now I love to be fixed by you.
I use to love ignoring me now I love that you are always bring me up.
I love that you love me.
I love that I am able to love.

Bang, Bang!

2008-01-28T22:15:00.001-08:00

Lift off its a beautiful thing.